At UNGA 69th, Member States Promise the World Again

September 22 - at the UN headquarters in NY,  along with world leaders,  I joined colleagues from the CSOs and public / private sectors, at the 69^th session of the UN's General Assembly and Special Session to the follow-up of the ICPD PoA,  to listen to member states renew their promises - to invest in girls education, promote their SRHR services and need, as well commit to the further implementation of the ICPD PoA review, including the findings of the Secretary General & regional ICPD review outcomes into the post2015 framework.

This is not the first time, we have listened and heard governments make promises. 20 years ago, 179 member states assembled in Cairo and in a consensus they committed to promote gender equality and women's empowerment, as well as protecting and promoting women’s reproductive health and rights.

How Most Things You Know About Feminists Are Vicious Conservative Lies

 This is a cross post from the Everyday Feminism Team, written by, Sandra & Melissa

Hi again!

You know, it's sometimes tough to tell people you're a feminist.  We've gotten a pretty bad reputation since the conservatives have done a very effective job of making feminism a “dirty word.”  They’ve kept people so focused on trying to not be a feminist so we don’t see all the sexist policies they're pushing.

 Here are a few popular quotes from popular conservative leaders:

“Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream.” – conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh

Feminism “encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians”  - television evangelist Pat Robertson

“Feminist is a bad word and everything they stand for is bad..Find out if your girlfriend is a feminist before you get too far into it. Some of them are pretty. They don’t all look like Bella Abzug.” – conservative activist and author Phyllis Schlafly
 
Misrepresentations of feminism are so powerful that many progressives and liberals today don’t necessarily want to self-identify as a feminist even when they believe in what feminism stands for.  They don’t want women or anyone else to be abused, raped, exploited and discriminated against.  They want all people, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, and class, be treated with respect and free to determine their own lives

As much as they believe in what feminism stands for, they still have difficulty thinking they’re a feminist becuase of all the stereotypes they've learned about from the aggressive smear campaign on feminism.

So let’s explore some commonly believed stereotypes of feminists.  We’ll tell you the truth.

• Feminists hate men and think women are better  - This is the biggest myth in the book and one that even some of the most educated, progressive people seem to think is true. Feminists stand against the sexism, exploitation, and oppression that society conditions us to perpetuate. That means both men AND women are raised to be prejudiced against women and limit what is possible for women to achieve. The point is to eradicate the sexist, exploitative, and oppressive thinking and action in both men and women – not eradicate men. Giving freedom and rights to women doesn’t take away those of men. This isn’t a zero-sum game where there has to be a winner and a loser. In fact, with feminism, we all win.

• Only women can be feminists - Anyone committed to ending sexism and oppression can be a feminist, including men. Just as white people can stand against racism, men can stand against sexism. To stop sexism, we must help men identify and let go of their sexist thinking and action. Feminism also supports men in freeing themselves from the limits of traditional male roles and conforming to the patriarchal definition of masculinity based on sexual prowess, physical strength, ability to fight, inability to express emotions, and being the breadwinner as the only role they can have in the family. Male feminists are encouraged and supported to break free from traditional roles and discover what gives them a happy, meaningful life. So not only can feminists be men, feminism needs men and men need feminism!

• Feminism only cares about women - Given its name, most people think feminism is a female thing but feminism is actually for everyone, not just women.  While feminism began focused more solely on issues related to being a women, women do not experience their lives as merely women but also as women of different races, classes, sexual orientation, and other groupings.  There was a backlash within the feminism movement who felt it overly represented issues of white, upper class women. This led to feminism expanding its focus to understanding how all these groupings of different power and privilege intersect to shape the everyday lives of women. Over time, this has led to seeing how essentially everyone – women, men, LGBTQ, people of color, poor, etc – is mistreated and exploited in socially acceptable ways due to their social status.  Frankly there's not a single person who isn't pushed and punished into fitting into a box by society. That's why feminism is about liberation for everyone.

• There’s no sexism so feminists aren’t needed anymore - There are some people who believe sexism is dead and feminism isn’t needed anymore.Things aren’t really that bad, people are just whining, or it’s just the way things are. But look around. We all know women and girls who have suffered from sexual assault, body image issues, street harassment, and domestic violence. Popular culture teaches our young daughters that they have to be skinny, wear skimpy clothing, be sexy but not slutty, and focus on their appearance and not their education . Some men still believe an attractive woman must want attention from men even if she says she doesn’t, judge a woman’s value based on how much they want to have sex with her, and treat women “like she’s just a girl”. Many men respect women but don’t know what to do when their friends begin cat-calling, when they see a friend taking advantage of a girl who has had too much to drink, or when they find out their girlfriend is a rape survivor or has experienced sexual violence. If sexism was dead and feminism wasn’t needed, then these things would not be happening. But they are. Don’t you want this to change?

• Feminists are angry and irrational people - Let’s look at one of the issues that feminists get angry about. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually molested by 18 years old. 1 in 4 women in college survive rape or attempted rape. 52% of gay men and lesbian women report at least one incident of coercion by a same-sex partner. 2 in 3 survivors will know the perpetrator. 54% of sexual assault crimes do not go reported. 97% of rapists don’t spend a single day in jail. The average prison sentence is 4 months. Heard enough? This is why feminists sometimes seem angry but we certainly are not irrational in why we’re angry. If we need to say it loudly and risk looking “angry” and “unladylike” in order to stand up for women, men, and children who are being raped, we will. Wouldn’t you?

• Feminists are all butch lesbians - There certainly are feminists who are butch lesbians and we’re proud of them. There are also certainly many feminists who are straight and look traditionally feminine and we’re proud of them too. In fact, we welcome and work with people of any stripe and shade who are fighting for equality and recognize the humanity in all people. Also we don’t appreciate using homophobia to scare women into thinking feminism isn’t for them.

• Feminists don’t shave their armpits or legs - Some do and some don’t but why do you care? A woman’s worth shouldn’t be judged by how hairless she is. It’s her choice. Just like a man who decides to shave his face.  See, feminists are not really concerned about what’s under your arm. Instead, we are concerned about whether or not women feel pressured to look a certain “acceptable” way.  Like how this stereotype is doing.

• Feminists can’t make or take a joke - We think we’re pretty funny actually. We just don’t make jokes aimed at hurting, demeaning, or belittling other people. We don’t stay quiet when someone makes a joke at the expense of a certain gender, race, class, or sexual orientation or if they use a stereotypes that encourage prejudice. If someone was making fun of you and your family, wouldn’t you want someone to say something?

• Feminists are useless - If feminists were useless then, women wouldn’t be able to be freely reading this right now. Thanks to feminists in the past, women can attend school, vote, hold political positions, choose to work inside or outside the home, decide if and when to have children, and choose when, if, and to whom they get married. There are a so many things that we take for granted everyday that we have earlier feminists to thank for. We hope that future generations will thank us someday for making the future a more equal and safe place for everyone!

So the next time someone starts bringing up tired old stereotypes about feminists, feel free to correct them on it.  You've heard it here from an official feminist.

Thanks,
Sandra, Melissa, and the Everyday Feminism Team

Definitely men also cry

It was a gathering of great minds and social achievers that I have witnessed in the recent past and the merriment equaled the status of the affluent crowd. 

They all arrived in all comportments and style and the ambiance at the members only club told it all. Some of the men were accompanied by girls only half their age while the women had boys the age of their sons by their sides. Some of the men came accompanied by fellow men while some women came in twos.

 The parking bay was a true reflection of achievement as the latest brands in the motor vehicle industry were on display. I actually saw more than three helicopters in the adjacent open field and the security at the venue was topnotch. Those of us only invited to be part of the crowd had very little expected from us except being reminded about a world we only experience in our untamed  imaginings. It was after two hours of merriment that two incidences happened in swift succession. 

The first incidence was when a rude female intruder stormed the party and attacked a man claiming the man, who was in the company of two young ladies was her husband who had not been home for weeks. 

She piercingly affirmed that all the wealth the man had was hers and she ordered the man to surrender the car keys and all her credit cards. The man obliged and the woman left after shouting vulgarities that I will not divulge in this third rate column. 

The second occurrence was a brawl between a man in a company of a young lady and another tipsy man. We later learned that the two men were involved in a same sex relationship and that one of them felt betrayed. The tête-à-tête that followed form the entirety of this submission.

Conversations about the two incidences were sparked off by the DJ of the night who loudly whined about the vanishing value of manhood. He incessantly compared what it meant to be a man in the past and what it is now. He sort the views of the men in the gig and even played special numbers that spoke to his line of thought about manhood. 

At one point he invited the “real” men whose ancestors are proud of to dance to a special number and only a handful timid men staggered to the floor. In his words, “ surely the time to change is now”. 

The assistant DJ took over the mantle from his senior and continued with the same line of thought. “ There were days when the husband was always right. There were days when a wife had to seek permission from the husband before going to bed as well as before turning the back to him in bed. In those days if the husband beat the wife and then came a visitor, the wife could smile as if nothing happened. Those were times when before going to bed the wife could be in her nightdress with no panty or bra, to allow the husband to do as he feels like”, he just could not stop humming.

It is becoming increasingly palpable that the walls of patriarchy dominated by intense masculinity are collapsing and men are facing the uphill task of having to find their place in the budding dispensation. These are times when what defined a man in the African context is being aggressively challenged in an arena dominated by the same men. While culture as enshrined in patriarchy and masculinity entrusted the providing role in the family to men, current revelations lay bare the fact that more and more women are taking over the role of providing for families and that some men are now glaringly playing the role of ‘swindler’. 

An infuriated tablemate at the lavish gig vociferously complained about “ manhood being under siege” claiming that men are now taking on jobs that were traditionally a reserve of women. In my view, “the know it all” men and boys are having a hell of a time contenting with bright and career savvy women taking a lead in the academia, banking, health, politics, science and agriculture. In his words “ its now more rewarding to invest in girls than boys”. 

A man’s only world is slowly fading away as more men are performing duties that they have been socialized not to indulge in. More men are having to take on performing domestic chores and playing a greater role in children upbringing. 

A visibly disgusted reveler unveiled to me at the bash that “many of us are now doing things we were never prepared to do. Can you imagine me having to change the napkins of my baby”? Do you know that men are now “getting married” and society is accepting it? he fumed. I was brought up knowing that I am the king of the home yet I have to content with second position in the home given the fact that my wife pays rent and school fees and I even drive her car. I miss the days when wives had to wait for their husbands before they made any decisions. I long for the times when women never worked hard during the day to avoid getting fast tired in the night as it is today.”

The two men occupying a table behind me were largely withdrawn. They occasionally exchanged glances and spoke in hushed tones. It was until the master of ceremony declared that gay activities were not allowed at the party that hell broke loose.  “ Why do you morons use homosexuality as a scapegoats for social evils”, one of them thundered as several others applauded. This is state-sponsored homophobia being propagated to sidetrack objective debate on sexuality and is being used to sway the masses against sexual minorities, affirmed yet another. The root causes of homophobia in Kenya stem mostly from tradition and customary interpretations of religion, which promote rigid models of social existence based on a reproductive foundation of humanity and sexuality. 

The air of official impunity within Kenya around homosexuality issues has opened the door for violence targeting sexual minorities who continue to be assaulted and exiled from their  families and communities as is the case here. “This is my body and its is my business” said another as he caressed himself. “ Lets go have fun” duds commanded the gigantic man clutching on the hands of another man even as a sizable crowd stormed out the venue.

A recent survey reveled that there exists a link between the skyrocketing cases of sexual/gender based violence in the developing world and besieged patriarchy and masculinity. The report undertaken in five high performing African economies unveils that the failure by the male gender to appreciate the steady progression of women is driving them into alcoholism, drug abuse, crime and leading to the stalling of career progression. The report blames negative socialization of men and the continuation of pervasive practices to this trend.

I learned several lessons from the gig one being that women in the region have achieved a lot in terms of social, economic and political developments yet a larger percentage of them are not aware of the achievements or their capacities do not allow them to enjoy the same . 

Additionally, the variance in the levels of women empowerment and gains across various geographical regions within a given country or the region continues to undermine uniformity in terms of progress thus calling in place the need for more collaboration, synergies and the sharing of the best practices. 

Many of the achievements are still in theory in many ways and the real test of what women have accomplished is in getting the  masses  of women across the region to understand , demand, exercise and enjoy their new found freedoms and opportunities.

The writer is a Programs Director of The Coexist Initiative, a not for profit synergy of men and boys community-based organizations committed to eliminating all forms of sexual/gender based violence, fostering the respect of the rights of minority groups and enhancing HIV prevention in Kenya. Visit: www.coexistkenya.com or www.menspeak.coexistkenya.com

Campus should focus on safety, not students’ dress

This article originally appeared on World Pulse, 
an action media network powered by women from 185 countries. 

The ruling patriarchy is once more at work at the University of Buea (UB).

Recently, the Director of Student Affairs; Dr Ludwig Metuge made a public announcement blaming the prevalence of sexual violence on campus on the ‘indecent’ dressing of women. 

A majority of female students have experienced one or two forms of sexual abuse from male academic staff on campus, said Mr Che Eugene, a guidance counselor for the Faculty of Social and Management Sciences, in an interview.  These assaults often happen in the office and in lecture halls, when students are requesting make-up tests or extra lectures, submission of overdue assignments, and making other pleas to male academic staff. Mr Che said. .

And as long as these female students continue to dress suggestively, exposing certain body parts like the breast, legs, and shoulder- sexual violence is likely to be prevalent on campus, Mr. Che added.

So, in an effort towards preventing such crime on campus, the university authorities have implemented a stringent dressing code. Campus security men are given the ultimate power to send away so-called ‘indecently’ dressed students.  In Dec 2011, this led to over 50 female students bullied out of campus. One of the security guard who sought anonymity said to me.

“Nov 25^th, 9 am, on my way to class, I was stopped by the security guards and chase out of campus saying- my dress were indecent. Just because I wore a slim jean and a T-shirt” Mary, a second year student recalled her sad experienced.

UB fails to recognize that sexual violence remains a major security threat to humankind, particularly women. As well as, it is still one of the most widely unreported crimes, according to Amnesty International 2004 Publication on “Making Violence Against Women Counts”.

Even so, the fact is sexual violence can happen at any time-during armed conflicts and riots and even in nations with socio-economic and political stability.

A WHO Multi-Country Survey study on women’s health and domestic violence against women in 2011 stated that 70% of women between the age; 15 to 49 years in Ethiopia and Peru, reported being victims of sexual violence by an intimate partner.

all wears are sexy.UB should focus on safety and not students' dress

Moreover, UB should understand that each dress has a unique beauty. This makes it sexy. Whether it is a long robe, nightwear, or shorts. These clothes are simply to ensure that their clients derive maximum satisfaction and contentment.

 Ironically, University of Buea is conceived in the English-speaking tradition governing the fundamental rights of freedom of speech. Founded on moral and intellectual principles, and within the Central African region, it is accredited for excellence. So, instead of UB to continue wasting time and resources blaming student dressing, the university should focus on creating real solutions to stop this security threat whose actions have implications for the campus’ reputation, both locally and globally.

Contrary to UB, at least one ruling patriarch condemns the university’s claim and describes it as being a “flimsy excuse based on selfish motif”. “UB should respect individual rights, their dignity and choices”, said Mr. Nzume Mathias, chief of service for the Family Wellbeing at MINWEF- South West Region, Cameroon.

So, campus authorities should spend valuable moments thinking on how to address the issue of security, identify perpetrators of sexual violence, and provide justice to victims.  This could be accomplished by creating an independent sector on campus that works to prevent sexual violence. The Discrimination and Harassment Office (DISCHO) -University of Cape Town in South Africa is a good model. But if a special committee already exists, UB should make it public to all.

In addition, it demands that UB adopt a sexual harassment policy purposefully addressing issues of sexual violence on campus. The policy should also be made clear in the student guides, public and accessible to all, including heads of academic departments and faculty members, campus clubs and associations, academic staff and student

  

The classical ruling patriarchs’ ideologies—in this case, that the victims are to blame for sexual violence--must not prevail. Students’ deserve to have an educational environment where they feel safe and have the freedom to express themselves in what they wear.

A MOTHER AT EIGHTEEN

Like many young girls, Sharon was taught to be a good girl. Once more, this is a powerful story.

Sharon's parents would advise her to avoid boys because they were destructive. She was made to understand that her education was her only priority in life. Definitely true to an extent.  Little Sharon was able to worked very hard and would always devote most of her time for studies.

Later on in the years, Sharon started having some acquaintances, girl colleagues especially. She was happy and joyful whenever she was with her peers. Her interaction with girlfriends grew bigger and bigger to a point where they started referring to themselves as “the flow of sexy”, the sexiest girls on campus. It was fun, Sharon testified she loved it.  For she felt liberated and satisfied.

After a number of years, by 2007, Sharon felt like experiencing something beyond acquaintances. Her desire for this new life beginning started the moment she met this intelligent, sexy and humble young boy called Gerrand. Sharon knew that Gerrand was the perfect match for her though she was hesitant. Not until, 28th February2009 when she finally decided to follow her heart (mind).

Sharon says;

    “My relationship with Gerrand was respectful. I was happy. All was fine. Until that day when everything happened so fast, so exciting. Little did I know– weeks later I will be confirmed pregnant. It hadn’t occurred to me that people get pregnant that easily. I didn’t know what to do and how I was going to present my situation to my father. I was also scared to tell Gerrand. I felt he might refuse taking responsibility. At that moment, lots of thoughts keep flagging through my mind especially the phrase ‘…boys are destructive’. I wondered in thought what my parents had meant by that.

    While in my confused state of mind and feared to be rejected by family, friends and the community. On the other hand, my mum wouldn’t stop crying. It was hurting to see my mum cried that long. I tried to compose myself but could not. The experience was sad. The day was bitter. I tried to imagine how my dad will take the news. I couldn’t wait to face my dad. At the same time, I was unready to see him.

    The day was getting dark. The clock was ticking faster.  It was almost time for my dad to get home. Finally, my dad arrived home and my mum was still sobbing. So he asked with great curiosity what was going on and why mom was crying. I agitated for a while, thinking my mum would speak first. But she spoke nothing. No word from my mum, all she did was to re-adjust herself on her seat and eventually continued her sobbing. Her attitude was really disturbing and upsetting.  Once more, my Dad re-asked what was going on in his house - knowing who my dad is; I knew it was safer for me to respond, for he hates to be ignored. So in a low humble tone I said “I am pregnant dad…and that is the reason Mum is crying. “Am sorry”… i could see this stern look on my dad's face listening while I stammered with words. Even after I had spoken, he was remained stilled, wearing this fake smiling expression. Without offering a word he pulled me closer to him. I thought he wanted to cheer me up. Behold, he took me to his whipping spot and got me well-whipped. I was whipped without pity. I thought I was going to die having received all the countless whips.

    The following day, I was summoned by the clan elders for an urgent meeting. At the meeting I was told to apologies for being a disappointment to the entire clan. Being the first girl in the family, it was a disgrace so they say. In addition, I was told, I should know that I am responsible for any medical or whatever pregnancy attention needed. And hence, I should take responsible for my life or preferably I abort the child.  Listening to all their sermons, I knew it was impossible for me to abort, besides, abortion is illegal and secondly where do they expect me to generate income to sustain myself.

    After the meeting, I sneaked and immediately rushed to see Gerrand and to tell me everything. After my conversation with him, surprisingly, Gerrand demonstrated some great joy and happiness and also promised to take full responsibility. Gerrand’s reaction was shocking. For I least expected him to show such a great concern. Nonetheless, it gave me strong strength and hope for well.

    Finally, I kept the pregnancy and gave birth to a girl. I named her Mercy because God have had mercy on me. Even though, my dad was still not happy with me and Gerrand.  In spite of all the grief, I am thankful that I was able to move on with my life for the sake of my baby girl. And if there is one thing I have learned is the fact that closed relationship between parent-to-children is very important in every family.  A child should feel free to interact with his/her parents at all level and shouldn’t be limited to academic but beyond her/his studies.

    Mercy is now two and a half. She looks like her grandmother”

.

male housewives or househusbands.

Yesterday morning, like most of the days, I woke up feeling blessed and very active to execute my work task.  The morning was bright and calm. My assignments were not more than I couldn’t handle.  Everything was going on fine, until the moment I took a walk to a colleague’s desk. This was around midday.  On her desk, there was a pullout from the Standard newspaper tagged ‘CRAZY MONDAY’.  The Standard is one of the most read newspapers in Kenya. 

Unconsciously, I picked up the paper from her desk to have a glance on what makes news.   In the process of flipping through, I came across this caption ‘Male housewives’, an article written by Nyumu, Monday, August 1^st, 2011/The Standard; page8-9/CRAZY MONDAY. 

The title of the article was very shocking and overwhelming the moment I set eyes on it. I tried to imagine why in an attempt by the author in redefining masculinity and feminism (mascu-feminism), the word male +housewives were used as a single term in describing a state where a man stays at home and does the domestic chore.  It was  frustrating to the extend that  I had to checked on my Oxford Advance Learner’s Dictionary, New 8^th Edition, for the definition of  ‘housewives’ , whether ‘housewives is a fixed term which can only be prefixed or suffixed, and if that should not be the case, what actually motivated the author to refer to househusbands as male housewives. 

According to Nyumu, it is a nightmare comes true for women to pursuit high paid jobs while men take charge of the house works.  In this regard, the author highlighted couple of reasons to this effect following the interviewees’ response. For brevity, I picked out just three of the author’s highlighted points which I found to be shocking.  These include;

1. The fact that majority of men enjoy the comfort of staying at home, in order words to becoming the supposedly male housewives while their wives do the career jobs, and definitely take charge of the family.   
2.   The fact that most men think it is of no used receiving peanuts salary which is later all spent on fare and lunch whereas he can invest all his time taking care of the household affairs while the wife, who earns more, becomes the breadwinner.  

     3. Despite being the househusbands, a lot of men demonstrated a strong conviction that the role of the woman will never change and the kitchen remains the woman’s territory. 
 

However, articles and reactions like these explain the level of ignorant and misconception about the global struggle for gender equality. It therefore implies, there is need for intense and continual enlightenment centered around the global debate on gender issues. The media sectors should definitely not be exempted. It is obvious that the media serves as a key source for information to many people. Therefore, it is imperative the media sectors became very knowledgeable with the gender discourse in order to minimize promoting such gender misconception.  

Link to Nyumu's Article here